It can be hard to know what to say or do when a loved one is struggling with their mental health. Oftentimes, people will notice shifts in behaviour or moods in those close to them and don’t know how to help, leaving them feeling worried and helpless. While you cannot fix their challenges for them, you can support them in doing so themselves. Simply feeling understood and not alone can be a powerful starting point. Supporting a loved one is about showing up with patience, empathy, and realistic expectations, both for them and for yourself.
Signs a Loved One May Be Struggling
Mental health challenges are usually very complex and look different for every person. Certain symptoms or signs are subtle and gradually build over time, whereas others have a rapid onset and appear suddenly. Some of the more typical indicators are changes in mood, behaviour, and/or daily functioning. Common emotional signs include irritability, emotional bluntness, sadness, anger, and much more. Behaviourally, this could look like withdrawal from activities they typically enjoy, spending increased time alone, changes in sleep or appetite, substance use, and much more. In terms of daily functioning, typically a decrease in productivity is a sign of mental health challenges, however, it isn’t uncommon for productivity to increase as individuals seek to distract themselves from their difficulties. Seeing one or two of these signs does not necessarily mean someone is experiencing a mental health condition. What matters most is noticing patterns, changes over time, and how much distress these changes seem to be causing. It is also crucial to note that signs of mental health challenges are unique for the individual, and in no way is this list exhaustive.
How to Offer Support
Just as with the warning signs, the ways to support someone will be unique to the individual. That said, in almost all cases, one of the most helpful things you can do is create an environment for an open conversation free of judgment. This lets the person know that they are seen and that you value their well-being. Simple statements like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been dealing with a lot lately, and I just wanted to check in,” can open the door for them to express their struggles without placing pressure on them to do so. And if they do open up, the most effective method of support in that moment is simply to listen. Rather than offering solutions, try to focus on understanding the experience from their perspective. This can also mean staying present even if what they share is painful, frustrating, or directed toward you personally, something that is incredibly difficult, but often necessary for the conversation to move forward in an honest and meaningful way. This validation can go a long way in helping them feel understood. Even well-intentioned advice can sometimes feel dismissive if it comes too quickly. Also, avoid minimizing their feelings by rushing to assure them that everything will be okay. In the beginning, it is often most effective to offer practical support, such as regular check-ins or assistance with everyday tasks, to lighten their load, if this would be effective in the specific situation. Small acts of consistency and reliability can help someone feel less alone during difficult periods.
In certain cases, encouraging a loved one to seek professional support can be very helpful, particularly if your loved one is struggling to cope day to day. It is best to make this suggestion gently, framing it as support rather than suggesting that something is wrong. For example, one could ask if they would like to explore potential support services together. If they are hesitant, respect their pace while continuing to express care and concern. If your loved one is in crisis or you are worried about their immediate safety, it is important to take that concern seriously and seek urgent help, even if it feels uncomfortable.
What to Avoid
While trying to help, it’s easy to fall into patterns that unintentionally cultivate shame or guilt, or shut down the chance for future conversations. It is key to avoid dismissing one’s feelings by downplaying their struggles, comparing them to others, or inadvertently minimizing their experiences through statements such as “Things will work themselves out.” It’s also important to avoid taking on the role of a therapist. You can be supportive without carrying the full responsibility for their well-being. Supporting someone does not mean sacrificing your own boundaries or needs.
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting a loved one can be emotionally demanding, especially when the challenges are ongoing. It’s important to acknowledge your own emotions and limits, and to know that it is totally normal to feel worried, frustrated or exhausted at times. Make sure to create time and space for your own self-care, whether that means maintaining routines, spending time with others, or talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. Seeking your own support does not mean you are failing your loved one; it helps you stay grounded and present in the long run, so you can support them to the best of your ability. Setting boundaries is also part of healthy support, and an important way to prevent dependency. It is okay to recognize what you can and cannot provide. Being clear about your limits can help prevent burnout and resentment while allowing you to remain supportive in a sustainable way.
A Final Thought
Supporting a loved one through mental health challenges is not about having all the answers. It’s about showing care, staying curious, and walking alongside them, encouraging support when needed. Small, consistent acts of compassion can make a meaningful difference, even when progress feels slow. You don’t have to do this alone, and neither do they.
References:
https://connexontario.ca/blog/tips-for-helping-a-loved-one-with-their-mental-health/
https://helpstartshere.gov.bc.ca/blog/supporting-loved-one-crisis
https://ontario.cmha.ca/documents/supporting-a-loved-one/
https://resolvve.ca/blog/4-ways-to-support-someone-struggling-with-mental-health
https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/helping-a-loved-one-cope-with-mental-illness